Just tryin' to keep my head above water...

I am forcing myself to sit down and write for a few minutes even though every fiber in my body is saying "No...don't make me focus or think...I am just too damn beat down for anything like that!" Yes, this week has done a number on me. It was a week I was much anticipating for almost two months now. "Why?" you might ask... Well my wonderful husband Jeff has been in trial away from home for the past 7 weeks. (Well he was away 4 out of 7 days a week and when he was home he was working insanely intense hours to prepare for trial.) That basically left me a makeshift single mom of infant twins for the past two months. Single parenthood though so very noble in my book is not something I have every aspired to nor is it something I recommend if it can at all be avoided - especially with twin babies to boot!

What kept me hanging on to my very thin shredded tip of rope these past 60 days was the glorious thought of the week-long vacation that Jeff was going to take as soon as the trial was over. In my mind I played out many a scenario of leisure, reconnection, and warm family memories that we would make during this extended period away from his work. However, I am sad to say all my grandiose daydreams have turned out to be frustrating delusions. Within 24 hours of receiving Jeff's verdict, he came down with a pretty nasty cold. I could have...no, should have predicted this. (As a former school teacher I could almost set my watch by the illnesses that would land on my doorstep within hours of me going on break from school...like clockwork!) So why should Jeff be any different? He had been pushing himself to the limit mentally willing his immune system to stand at attention until the trial was over. And as soon as it was...WHAMMO...sick as a dog! Now that would have been enough to rattle my carefully crafted mental vacation hopes, but no this was only the beginning. After 3 days of house arrest nursing my poor hubby back to health, both girls quickly took his place in the Cruddy Cold and Cough Club. Within hours of Jeff's recovery, both girls developed low-grade fevers and runny noses like leaky faucets. This coupled with teething, multiple night wakings, fussy daytime dispositions and inconsolable crying fits followed by choking on phlegm so as to prompt projectile vomiting all made for some pretty hellish last few days and NIGHTS!

I guess we should consider ourselves lucky, we have been fortunate to have a few great months where the girls were sleeping through the night and waking up cheerful and happy...yes I know we were spoiled. But in the past few weeks - the last being the worst - all our achievements in creating successful sleep patterns have all gone right out the window. In my mind, I realize that this too shall pass - (it sure as hell better) - but right now I am sleep deprived, run ragged, beat down, raked across the coals, gone to hell in a hand basket, sinking in quicksand...and fast. I feel like I am in a giant slippery hole, desperately fighting to dig myself out in order to get back to some semblance of the comfortable routine I had established before Jeff's trial began. Right now I just can't seem to get there. I am left feeling exasperated and defeated. I guess I just had so many expectations built up for this week because the previous seven have been so grueling...this was supposed to be my reward for good behavior!!! My reprieve!!! At this point I will be lucky to avoid becoming completely bedridden for the remainder of the 4th of July weekend. They say things always look better in the morning. For all of our sakes I sure hope that is true!